📖 : “REBOOT” | midori 🐛
written by: midori
life has recently changed for me…. drastically. pros and cons with every inch. over the last few years of this pandemic, some relationships have withered, some have begun to sprout. around this time last year i went to new york for the first time to meet up with a friend that i had been dying to meet. unfortunately i have horrible social anxiety so i reached out to a friend to join me. i remember getting in that uber once we landed and just staring at all the architectural buildings and graffiti that had taken over the city. as someone who is really into music and production and art, i found myself mesmerized by every part of it. i stayed in the bronx my first trip to ny, aka the birth of hip hop and i remember being like yo ??? we really here right now. my friend however, did not feel the same. they were over it from the moment we got there but apparently they had other intentions. i finally got to meet the “jesse rack$on” and i was in love. he showed us around the city and from that day on i knew i was going to live here. i just didn’t know it would be only a year later. jesse taught me all about production and how to get better and push out the amount of beats that he does, showing me amazing songs to sample and his collection of drums. he gave me the confidence to drop my own beat tape and now i’m already on beat tape #5.
fast forward through multiple other trips to new york, staying in a different part of the city each time, i found myself moving to brooklyn. it was a stressful move, and i came up with a plan and did it within a month. i remember packing and just getting emotional cause i was leaving all that i knew. it was really challenging leaving my family, my best friend and my two cats oliver and kyzr. i’m the type of person to build things slowly and likes to keep my circle small. so it was a lot of pressure on my plate when i decided to switch my whole living situation up. i’ve lived with my friends for roughly about 5 years now and that all changed within 3 months. i’m still grieving the loss of a close friendship. one that ended quick and unexpected. felt like everyone in the world moved on but me and i was still holding a lot of anger and sadness from that bad ending. only a few months ago we were all joking and laughing together, not knowing everyone’s true intentions. it was a sad breakup and i still think about it all the time. it’s a frustrating feeling like you don’t have any real friends. everyone wants a piece and if they don’t get it, they leave. at least that’s what i’ve felt like for my 26 years of existence.
it makes life even lonelier, having friends that consistently come out with feelings for you is exhausting. i really was aching for a fresh start and that was new york to me. it was a lot of adjusting that i had to do fairly quickly, but it’s been about two months of living here and although i love it and i’m learning new stuff every day about the city, polo, or about music, i still miss my friends, family, and animals daily. it’s lonely moving to a big city by yourself with only knowing one person, but i am thankful for the one person i do know because he’s helped me feel comfortable and safe and i don’t know how i would handle new york without him. a few things i’ve had to get accustomed quickly is not having a car, you can either: A. take an uber or B. take the train.
i’ve gotten better at the train but at first i told myself to uber every where, but that shit is expensive for no reason. another thing i had to get used to was how aggressive the men are out here. it’s not like kansas city where they sit there and cat call you, they will come straight up to your face, tell you how pretty you are and how they wish they could have you while your boyfriend is inside ordering you pizza. it’s overwhelming walking alone in new york and only makes me miss my friends more cause i know if i had everyone here, we would be having an amazing experience filled with laughter like when we were younger. on a positive note, one of my favorite things out here is how music is constantly flowing. i hear cars playing the isley brothers, i hear family gatherings playing old ass mary j blidge, stuff i would listen as a kid with my mom. the music scene out here is beautiful and better than anything music scene i’ve seen. there are so many good producers out here that it’s kind of bonkers that no big artist takes advantage of the fresh new minds. another thing that’s refreshing is seeing all the people dressed up out here. i love clothes and fashion is a big part of me and it’s nice to constantly see outfits i want pieces of. in kansas city, you only really see it within the art community. i’ve also been able to adopt 3 new bugs and i love them all so much. i have to take an hour cab that cost $100 there and back just to get to the only petco in the area that sells bugs but it’s worth it hehe. new york really feels like where i should be as an artist and i’m very fortunate to have the ability to live here. i feel so lucky to be able to live by so many wonderful artists. i love being able to see them create each day. music is life to a lot of people and i’m very ecstatic to be apart of it. i can’t wait to see more, do more, and live more.